A Lesson in Truth: Let the Rhythm Teach | Ven. Aluthgamgoda Gnanaweera Thero | Nihada Arana

මුල් සිංහල වීඩියෝව සඳහා Play කරන්න

A Lesson in Truth: Let the Rhythm Teach | Ven. Aluthgamgoda Gnanaweera Thero | Nihada Arana 

Gnanaweera Thero:

Alright then, we are preparing to purify a meditation object. Yesterday, I think we didn't get a chance to discuss one of the reports. Let’s start from there. To begin the purification of the meditation object, let's begin to discuss the meditation experience.


Meditation Report:

After sitting for meditation and focusing on the wave of the breath for a while, a state similar to the ringing in the ear that I have noted on previous occasions arose. After being in this state for some time, I noticed that thoughts in the mind began to increase. At first, this was not an obstacle to the meditation. But as it continued, this state intensified and my attention started to go toward the thoughts. At times, after a few minutes in the stream of thoughts, I returned to the meditation. Then my attention would go back to the thoughts. Along with this, a moderate drowsiness arose, almost to the point of dozing off with a slight jolt. Then, although it wasn't a major issue, there was some difficulty in continuing the meditation, and I felt a sense of restlessness in the mind. I spent the entire time allocated for meditation in this manner. After that, I finished the meditation. In previous meditation sessions, afterward there was a peaceful state, but this time, even after the meditation, that feeling of calm was not there, it was similar to before I started.


Gnanaweera Thero:

Right, let's purify that a little. Let's work on this meditation object. Could you please read it again, sentence by sentence.


Meditation Report:

I sat for meditation and kept my attention on the breath. After a while, along with a subtlety in the wave of the breath, it turned into that state like the ringing sound I mentioned in previous instances. While in that state for a while, it felt like the thoughts in the mind were increasing.


Gnanaweera Thero:

Okay, I will start from there. During the meditation, you said you were watching the wave of the breath. While you were watching the wave of the breath, it started to settle down, bit by bit. When this settling down happens—this is the general nature of meditation—when we keep our focus on a single object for a long, long time, that object itself begins to settle, to calm down. This object undergoes a change.

Now, this means that we should not start thinking that we are unknowingly falling into some state, or that some state has transitioned into another. We must understand at all times that what is present in this very moment is simply transformation (viparināma). It is a process of becoming other. It is change itself. Therefore, please do not understand it as, "It was like this, and now it is not like this," or "It has become empty, before there was an object." If we put it like that, it feels as though in this life there are fixed states like day, night, and evening, giving an internal sense that stable existences are present here. That is why, as mindfulness (sati) is established in meditation, you must understand that what is present is a flow.

For instance, a river is always flowing. Although we may perceive the river as stationary, it is always in a state of flow. Take a flower. We speak of the flower having bloomed, and the flower having withered. It’s the same way we talk about my childhood, my youth, and my old age. Now, I ask you, from where? After what point did your youth turn into old age? After what point did your childhood become youth? What is the line for this? There is no line for this. This is a rather important point. Because if we don't grasp this, we are not engaging in insight (vipassanā). Instead, we might think that the state of calm (samatha) is deepening. We think, "Ah, it was like this, and now it's gone. It has become like this."

What is present right here is transformation (viparināma). Let's take an example. Let's take an ice cube. After we take an ice cube, we can talk about the solid state of the ice cube, the liquid state of the ice cube, and the vapor state of the ice cube. In language, that's how we talk. But when we become mindful of the reality of it, this ice cube didn't just become water. The melting was its characteristic. It is to this process of change that we apply relative concepts and labels like "this is an ice cube," "this is water," "this is water vapor." But while speaking in this way, we must understand clearly that language always implies a permanent existence. It gives the sense that something that existed, has now changed. But if it is an existing thing, it cannot change. An ice cube cannot change. If it changes, then it cannot be called an ice cube. Because where there is water vapor, you cannot find an ice cube. And where there is an ice cube, you cannot find water vapor. Do you see? Look at the point I am making. If it changes, it cannot have three stages. There cannot be arising and ceasing. If there is an arising, you cannot say it changed. Did you understand the idea I am conveying?

Understand this idea like this: in this natural process, there is nothing that changes from one thing to another. Old, young, adult—these are the permanent concepts (nicca saññā) that we impose. We speak of "a young person," as if it's a single entity. "An adult," as if it's a single entity. But as we become more and more mindful, we realize there are no such things as tall-short, black-white, night-day. There's no such thing. For example, let's take this very confusion that exists in our language. We say, "the river is flowing." When we say the river is flowing, we imagine there is some thing called a river. The feeling is that an existing river is flowing. But look closely. If you stop the flow, if you remove the flowing, is there anything separate you can point to as a river? No. We have given a name to the flow.

Think about it. The river is flowing. We refer to parts of the river. We call this section the Peradeniya river. We call this section the Kadugannawa river. We give different names to the river in different areas. But look, if you try to catch the Kadugannawa river, what do you find? The Kadugannawa river has already flowed past. We can never catch the Kadugannawa river even once. Then if you try to catch the Peradeniya river, by the time you try to catch it at the point called Peradeniya, it too has flowed past. Then we understand. We have named the flow as "Peradeniya" or "Kadugannawa" or "originating from the Samanala mountain range," but there is no river that begins at the Samanala mountain range. What exists there is pure transformation (viparināma). There is only constant change. So, if we pay close attention to this nature of change, we will understand. If it is change, then there is no entity corresponding to the labels we apply. Even if we say "breath," there is no real entity. It is just a concept. Do you understand what I am saying? In life, we are trying to understand a verb, but because we can't, we use a noun. We use a noun to try and grasp it. The moment we do that, we feel a sense of existence, of presence.

Tell me how you understood this? I'm the one who is always talking so to get an idea whether this has been understood, explain how you understood this? The point I just made.

Disciple:

 

What I understood is, venerable sir, when we say something in words it becomes permanent (nicca). Something like that. 

Gnanaweera Thero:

Yes, when we understand something through language… for instance, think of the Christian saying, "God created the world." If you say God created the world, it sounds like some old model that was created ages ago. Then that story, the one about Nietzsche saying God is dead, makes sense. So, when it's said that God created the world, think of it this way: God's creation is continuously happening. Then God is ever-fresh. Awareness is very fresh. Awareness is not old. The term doesn't fit. The moment you apply a noun to the awareness, that awareness becomes old. And the moment we apply that noun, our mind starts to conceal the truth from us.

For example, when I apply a concept like "this is your nature," don't we say, "I can't imagine how that person ended up in such a state?" or "I can't imagine why people change like this?" This means that person has applied some fundamental concept, a permanent concept, and is looking at someone else through it. But we all know the saying that you can't step into the same river twice. That river has changed. In truth, a person cannot step into the same river twice. The name-and-form (nāma-rūpa) of the person who stepped in has also changed. The river has also changed. This means you and I can meet only for a moment. This is both the first and the last time we will meet. But it is not two permanent beings who are meeting. What is meeting is the flow itself. You can't say the same word twice. You can't experience the same feeling twice. That is why it is said to be well-mindful at this moment. Because this moment will never come again. Because you can never experience the same moment again and again. You can't.

That is why we say it. So then, our mind, because it cannot join the rhythm of the present moment, this rhythm, this impermanent rhythm, this not-self (anatta) rhythm, it creates for itself some idea, that "this person is like this," or "they should be like this." That is what is called tranquility meditation (samatha bhāvanā)—taking an object. Trying to hold it in one way. Asking why it changed when it was not supposed to. Wondering why it happened that way. Then you will understand that this is not insight (vipassanā). It is not in you. Insight means becoming one with that change. It means joining with impermanence (anicca). When you join with impermanence, there is no one who has joined. There is no battle. There is no one on this side trying to do something. This effort to make things permanent, is the same as trying to make an object permanent.

Imagine the pain of me trying to make all the venerable monks and nuns of Nihanda Arana conform to one way, to one permanent state. It means trying to put everyone into the same mold. Trying to put everyone into one box. And if that happens, what is left there has no flavor, no life. So look, each and every person… Don't you venerable ones like it when you are given the freedom to deliver the Dhamma in your own way? When you are free to teach as you please, isn't it beautiful? From each and every person, a different Buddha emerges. A different beautiful creation comes forth. Because my way of speaking, my spectacles, the way I put on my spectacles, the way I walk—you don't need to be like that. You, in your own way, for you, a personal Buddha for each person, a different Buddha. In this creation, in this illusion, all the different beauties are in the change. But it is all beautiful.

Imagine if you planted only bamboo trees, wouldn't it be ugly? You plant other trees as well. Then you plant rose bushes, you plant this, you plant that. Then there is a variety of flavors. In the same way, we must understand that it is not good to force a human being into a single mold. Fundamentally, we say that anyone who comes here must be taught mindfulness (sati). But that too is a frame. But that frame gives us an identity. Why do we teach mindfulness? That is our path. That is where we get stuck. However, there is no problem in doing it knowingly. We know we are boxing these people in. We are boxing people into mindfulness. We are framing them, programming their minds into mindfulness. We know that too. We know it’s just to give them a little grip at the beginning. But later on, there is no such thing. One must express their own experience. There is no problem with that. That is a human right. To say, "This is what I feel," instead of saying, "The Buddha said." We don't know what the Buddha said, do we? Are we doing this because the Buddha said it, or is it something we have imagined that the venerable monk has said? We don't know, do we? All of us here. It could be. But there is no problem. There must be room for madness. There must be room to go crazy.

However, there must be a monastic tradition that does not harm another. We should not damage that. That means, we must respect the things that come to us, that monastic tradition. That too is a frame. But we should not go about destroying it excessively. That beauty that has come down to us is not harmful. That monastic tradition that has come down, that we know, doesn't overly restrict a person's freedom. It has a certain reverence, a certain beauty. So we are saying that institutional structure should be there, in that way. But a person must have the chance to go crazy. If you don't go crazy, if you don't break the mold, if you don't fall down, if you don't get messed up, you will become inert. Everyone will be like machines, like robots. Everyone needs to get a little messed up—to let go of all that rigid control.

But that institutional framework must remain. That monastic tradition and discipline must be there. But we need to get messed up. We need to lose our address. We need to break the mold and stand up again. We need to fall again. We need to get up again. We need to fall flat on our face again. We need to get it right again. It is by going on like this, like this, like this, that a small child eventually competes in the Olympics. That child doesn't just win the Olympics in one go. They fall, they scrape their stomach, they fall again, they hit their knee again. After doing this, the child gains strength. They build up their power and later run even faster. They run in the fields. They run on the bunds of paddy fields. Running, running, running, one day they become like Usain Bolt. They compete in the Olympics like Usain Bolt. So, just like that, what I am saying is that we should not be afraid. Don't be afraid of getting messed up, don't be afraid of getting smeared, don't be afraid of losing your address. All of it must be shattered.

This frame we have built, this box we are in, this thing we are protecting, we are so scared that something might happen to it. No, all of it must be smashed to pieces. So, we must understand well that we are not destroying the monastic tradition. We leave it as it is. But a person who develops mindfulness (sati) will not cause great harm to the monastic tradition. They are not going to break the monastic tradition in a big way. However, those things that happen during meditation, the feelings that come in ways you can't imagine, they try to completely uproot you. You must give in to all of it. That's why I said, as time goes on, a madness arises. And I believe that everyone should express this Dhamma in their own unique way. You don't need my template. That might be the way I feel it. That might be the way I sense it. But if everyone were to speak in that same way, then I see the whole world being forced into one mold. That is like making the entire world a Buddhist kingdom. We don't need the whole world to take refuge in the triple gem. It's beautiful that there are other masters. There are people who do other things. We discuss with them. We discuss those different teachings. How beautiful is that? How wonderful is that diversity? It's so intricate. It's so beautiful.

Those different Buddhas have expressed it in different ways. Lao Tzu in one way. Jesus in another way. Krishna in another way. Our Lord Buddha in another way. That is beautiful. If not, if we have wrong view, we will try to make everyone come into this frame. Everyone must be trapped within this system. Then it becomes very bland. In the end, we become imprisoned, and other people become imprisoned, and we all start to get trapped. That is why, even in meditation, do not have this confinement. The characteristic of meditation is flow. Meditation is about allowing for change. It is about allowing yourself to get messed up. If you try to keep it in one frame for a long time, understand this. Your vision has not yet opened up to insight (vipassanā). You are still in a state of tranquility (samatha). You are still attached to that contrived calmness.

Now, from the last part of what you said in the meditation report, this is what I am saying.

Disciple:

I felt that there wasn't that sense of calmness. The last sentence says that the calm feeling that was there on previous occasions was not present. It was the same before and after the meditation. 

Gnanaweera Thero:

So, look at the way this is expressed. There is a sense of dissatisfaction. There is no fault in the meditation. There is nothing wrong with the meditation. But the way it is expressed is like, "Oh dear, it's not like it was before." "Oh dear, it's like…" Then you understand, they are not yet in the vibe of "Raja ho, maa ho ganga ho" or "Nava gilunath ban chun. (Even if the ship is sinking they are playing the instruments)" They are not yet playful. They are not playing the game. They are not breaking the mold. They are afraid to jump from a high place thinking they might die. It's not like that yet. What should be there is a playful character. That means you should be able to jump from up high with a thud. You should be able to slip and fall. You should be able to break your legs. You should break the mold, you should bandage things up and hang from them. When you look at this person, you should see cuts everywhere. Then you know this person has lived life. They have lived. They haven't just been in a frame, being gentle and delicate. They are not fragile.

Look at this person, whichever way you turn them, if you look at their knees, there are only wounds. That means this person is a risk-taker. That means in this meditation, insight (vipassanā) does not make you risk-averse. Tranquility (samatha) does that. It makes you live your whole life in one frame, in one style. What is there in insight? I am now… to be 'real'… that means you take risks. You take a risk. Because you take a risk… you see… in society, they ask, "Are you crazy to take such a risk with your life?" "Why take such a risk when you can have a nice, smooth journey?" "Why take such a big risk?" But if you don't take it, what's the point of living for 40 or 50 years? If you're not a risk-taker, what the hell are you going to do for 90 years in a room? A risk-taker has it. That insight (vipassanā) blood is in their body. Their body has that playfulness. They are not the kind of people who walk a perfectly straight and beautiful path. That's why I am not demeaning it.

Tranquility (samatha) should be there to a certain extent. We too must go in an orderly, disciplined, law-abiding way. But after that, the meditation technique must be smashed to pieces. All these meditation objects, techniques, and methods must be completely shattered, and you must make your whole life address-less. Your whole life should be about becoming as disorderly as possible, as lost as possible, as messed up as possible. Look at the people who have been here for a while. They are the kind of people who have become lost. It's very rare for an orderly person to come here, and if they do, they don't stay long. It doesn't suit them. They all have this… this characteristic of being lost. All of them, even  those who come from an orderly world but who have that madness, they are the ones who break it. Those are the kinds of people who get a chance here. The other people, the people who are very proper, are afraid of this. Because this is a bit risky. It's a bit dangerous. This is a business of breaking the mold.

But what I'm saying is that you need to have that gut feeling. But I don't know if that can be cultivated after coming into the human world. I feel that one must be born with that insight (vipassanā) in their body. With that blood, with that nature, to take that risk, to take that chance. So when you look at it from that perspective, when I read through the points you mentioned, when I read that meditation report, I still feel a faint sense that you are trying to be orderly. For a person like that, what I want to do is to mess with their head, destroy their faith, and make them so utterly confused that they don't even know if they have faith or not, if they are religious or not. They should become a complete vagabond. A complete vagabond otherwise they are too beautiful. If they become beautiful, then I get jealous. He is doing better than me. Then if someone is more orderly than me, that's not good. If they are calmer than me, if they are more present, that's not good. Then it's, "You are also a madman, you are also a madwoman. You are lost. You too have no address." Then that innocence comes and comes down a little bit.

Now, we all say we are one flock and come into one flock, then there's a problem. Everyone is confused. Everyone has lost their address. They have become completely lost. They can't figure out what to think, what to do now. You must become that lost. You must become that devoid of any anchor. Or else, "I" will sneak in. What "I" want is a beautiful order, a method, a shape, a neatness. That is like wanting to wear a clean suit. You can't do that. You must be covered in mud, bathed in mud, a creature of the mud. That beauty… you see… now that… When Jerome used to come here before, I would see him playing in the mud, playing with that. Now he stays so neat and clean. When I see him, I think, "Oh dear." No, that vibe of playing in the mud, that muddy vibe, that quality of bathing in the mud, that is what life is. It shows that he is alive. He is a creature of this world. Otherwise, when he tries to be all clean, it's ugly. Then he gets compliments, "Oh, so neat, so this, so that." But that clean state doesn't really suit him. You must break all of that. You must destroy all of that. You must become lost. Don't be afraid to become lost.

When you are lost, life is beautiful. No. Directly, 90 percent of people are afraid of that. They can't imagine why. They are afraid, they tremble. So, right. Now I'm looking at that a little. As a hint, in meditation, as much as possible, allow for change. In meditation, don't be afraid of the change that is happening. Don't ask, "Why is it changing?" That is the only truth there is here. That is the only reality there is. So, what you are doing is gradually accepting that truth. Resisting the truth means you are trying to maintain a single form, which, for a while, is good for tranquility (samatha). But what I'm saying is that I don't know if it suits my body. It doesn't suit my body. But tranquility also has its beauty. Tranquility is good. But "good" is not the point. It's good only up to a certain point. Because if you take someone who has been crazy from the start, there's a bit of a problem. So after going to a certain point, taking that initial meditation object, when that change begins, it starts to be seen clearly.

To that change, you must give space. That is what I am saying. As much as possible, don't interfere with the meditation. As much as possible, don't try to control the meditation. Don't try to fix the meditation. Don't try to teach the meditation anything. Now, these are very important points to understand. You let the meditation happen and you learn from the meditation, rather than you trying to teach the meditation. That is the ego. Did you hear that point? Now tell me how you understood this.

Disciple:

That means you let the meditation be as it is by nature, and you don't analyze it. 

Gnanaweera Thero:

You don't impose, "It shouldn't be like this," or "Why isn't it like it was before?" That is you trying to teach the meditation. That is where the personality-view (sakkāya-diṭṭhi) in its purest form is. What I mean is, there is a pundit (that inner critic of yours). He knows. He knows Nibbāna. He knows the way to get to Nibbāna. Don't be like that with your mind. Learn from mindfulness (sati). From the present moment, from mindfulness, you become a student of mindfulness. Don't become its teacher. Mindfulness knows. You let it do its work. You just step aside and become its student. Now, tell me how you understood. 

Disciple:

What I understood is that, during meditation, instead of thinking, "This should be happening this way," I should accept the prevailing nature of things. 

Gnanaweera Thero:

"Ah, right. Every one of those states is teaching you something. It is teaching you about life. You should learn from that, that, and that." That is, in meditation, don't be the teacher; be the student of meditation. Be the student of mindfulness. The one who teaches mindfulness is the teacher. Why? Because we have that much arrogance inside us. We even teach mindfulness. We tell mindfulness, "It should be like this." We tell mindfulness, "It should be like this, it can't be like this." That which is our greatest desire, our habit of always controlling people, of making them do this and be like this, that "big sister" nature, we hold on to it. You can never become innocent with that. Because meditation is innocence. That is why Jesus said that to enter the kingdom of heaven, one must become innocent like these children. The wise ones must, as much as possible, start learning from mindfulness. Don't teach mindfulness. Don't give lessons to mindfulness. Don't try to shape mindfulness. "Mindfulness should be like this…" Don't give orders to mindfulness. It has its own complete… this… this… this big brother is the problem here. It's that big sister. That is, not being humble. Not being innocent. The one who comes and teaches the teacher how to run the institution, teaches meditation how to meditate. They are the principal everywhere. To be a complete principal… now, let go of that principal part bit by bit. Let go of that "me" nature and give space to this rhythm. Let this truth teach the lesson. The natural law of the Dhamma is speaking the truth. The process is telling you the truth. You are not listening to it. You are trying to teach it. You are imposing your permanent concepts on it, your permanent views. The moment you impose that permanent view (nicca diṭṭhi), the meditation gets distorted for us.

Why? When we allow the meditation to teach us—now understand this well—it will completely teach you and you will be freed from all this suffering. Everything will fall away. But the moment you try to teach the meditation, nothing falls away. Instead, some kind of pressure just increases in the end. Why? Mindfulness is not listening. What I mean is, nobody is listening to what you are saying. So what, in this world, whatever it may be, is not listening to your opinion? So what happens is, after you go to teach mindfulness, you only end up suffering. You become heavier and heavier, more pressured, more exhausted. Why is that? Who is listening to what you are saying? You just imagine that you are the teacher, but mindfulness is not listening. You have just become a "big sister." You have just become a "big brother." Don't be any of those things. Put those things aside for a bit and give space. This very nature of things (svabhāva dhamma) is the Buddha. This body has become the Buddha. Pay attention to that. Then it will beautifully teach you the message of this nature of things. It will beautifully teach you the rhythm of the nature of things. As it teaches you, as the nature of things teaches you its rhythm, you disappear into the rhythm of the nature of things. When you go to teach the nature of things, a pundit remains, along with pressure.

Did you understand those two words? The secret is that when you let the nature of things teach you, by the very act of you allowing it, that understanding becomes a direct, experiential understanding. At that moment, things are let go, they fall away, not to change again, but directly, completely, that solid nature completely erodes away. Why? Because then, in that nature, you don't need any knowledge. Your knowledge is the obstacle to this. Understand well, the obstacle to meditation, understand it well. Your knowledge is too much. Truly, look at the Buddhists who have failed to attain Nibbāna. They know too much. They even teach mindfulness. They go to teach mindfulness about impermanence (anicca). They go to teach mindfulness about not-self (anatta). No. Let mindfulness teach you. Mindfulness will teach what impermanence is. As mindfulness teaches impermanence, the person becomes the Dhamma. When you go to teach mindfulness about impermanence, a person remains. The personhood, the burden remains.

The knowledge… now these points that I am making, look at them well, with attention, let this sink in. Now, when you go to teach mindfulness, a thing to be taught and a teacher remains. When you let mindfulness teach you, the thing to be taught and the teacher disappears. They merge completely into the rhythm. When you merge into the rhythm, there is no one who has merged into the rhythm. But now, what are you doing at this moment too? Teaching mindfulness. That is the danger. Now, you are giving a lesson to mindfulness. We are telling mindfulness… what we are doing is telling mindfulness. So, this too might be a reason for your punditry to increase. This act of listening might not just stop at listening; you might go on to teach this very listening in the present moment of awareness. No, do not teach this talk to the present moment. The present moment is the truth itself. When you give space to that truth, you completely disappear and become the truth. Let that happen. Give it space. We don't give it space because we are too afraid. We think, "Without me, how can Buddhahood be attained?" We think, "I am needed." "I need to teach, I need to explain." No. See what happens when you are not there. When you were not there, did your children go astray? No. But when you were there, did they somehow go on the right path? No. See? The ones who were meant to go on the right path, went on the right path whether I was there or not. They will flourish wherever they are, in whatever world they are. I have no connection to it.

Understand that well. Just because we are here, not everything changes. Isn't that the story Piyadassi Nayaka Thero tells? The pundit leads the world, the great pundit messes it up. What we have done is messed everything up, creating unnecessary tension, unnecessary burdens. So now, bit by bit, bit by bit, let go of our judgments. This idea that meditation has to be calm, like it used to be—"it was like this in the past when I came, it's like this now"—none of that. Now, bit by bit, bit by bit, let go of your understanding, your knowledge, your analysis, and start to give space. 

That person has fallen asleep. Better wake him up right? Right. Okay. 

So, the next point. Now I have mentioned a few things: give space to impermanence (anicca), give space to the Dhamma, let the Dhamma teach you. Do not go and teach the Dhamma to this mindfulness. Right. The third point is this. This is also something I saw in the meditation report. Could you read that part again, where it says along with the ringing sound in the ear, thoughts were connected. Read that part there.


Meditation Report:

After staying like this for a while, it felt like thoughts were increasing.


Gnanaweera Thero:

Okay, above that part, where they say about the ear... read from the beginning of that section.


Meditation Report:

I sat for meditation and kept my attention on the wave of the breath. After a while, along with a subtle fading of the wave of the breath, it turned into a state like the ringing in the ear I mentioned previously. After staying like this for a while, I started to notice that thoughts in the mind were increasing. At first, it was not an obstacle to the meditation, but as time went on, that state intensified and my attention started to go toward the thoughts.


Gnanaweera Thero:

Look at the point you are making. The very subtle wave, that means the stage of the ringing in the ear, that is, the stage of the "sound of silence" was present. But after that stage was present, you said that thoughts started to increase more and more. Then?

Meditation Report:

Attention goes to the thoughts. 

Gnanaweera Thero:

If attention went to the thoughts, who knew that attention went to the thoughts? That too is known by awareness. So, look at this point I am making carefully. This is what purifying the meditation object means. These layers of confusion have come, and we need to change our understanding. So, if thoughts start to increase and attention goes to them, is mindfulness (sati) broken or not? Now, you said your attention went more to the thoughts. Right, so is mindfulness broken or not? 

Disciple:

Knowing that means it's not broken.

Gnanaweera Thero:

It's not broken. Right? It is not broken.

So, look, that too… So, these are the frames. This is meditation. The frame is that "meditation" means staying with the breath, that "meditation" means staying with the ringing sound. Those are the frames. Those are the boxes. That is what is called tranquility (samatha).  Insight (vipassanā) means....So if thoughts start to increase more and more, it means the knowing of thoughts… the awareness of thoughts has increased more and more. So, what is this breakage in your meditation? It is a change in your meditation. What is it? The meditation is not broken. See that? So, it is mindfulness that teaches you that thoughts are now more prevalent. It means mindfulness is learning. It is you, the "me" (mamāya, the sense of self that imposes itself on the experience), who imposed the idea that this is a problem, that this is bad. That is the punditry I was talking about. That is the "me" (mamāya). None of that is relevant in meditation.

For instance, you knew about that ringing sound because of mindfulness (sati). Then you knew that thoughts were increasing because of mindfulness. So, is there any problem with mindfulness? There is none, anywhere. So then, there is no problem with mindfulness at all. But what I'm saying is that the way the report is written, it intuitively feels like something went wrong. The writing carries an undertone of failure. That is the problem. That very feeling. Did you have such a feeling or not? 

Disciple:

Yes I had a feeling that the meditation was not going well.

Gnanaweera Thero:

What I am saying is, if you had such a feeling that the meditation wasn't happening correctly, that is precisely when the meditation is happening correctly. When the meditation is happening correctly... what we have is a "pundit" created by us, thinking life should be a bed of roses and not thorns. We have created a "teacher." They say, "This is wrong." But did mindfulness ever say it was wrong? No. The knowing was perfectly fine.

See, that is the work of the pundit. That is the big brother. That is the teacher. He is trying to be the guru. Inside us, he is trying to create some frames. He is trying to frame meditation. To limit it. Don't frame it. Understand clearly, the things that happen during meditation... as mindfulness increases and increases, we become very sensitive. Understand this point well. We... this sensitivity... as mindfulness increases, look, am I lying? When mindfulness increases, when you go to take a little food, you can taste it more intensely. If you can, with good mindfulness, smell a flower. You might even be able to smell the different scents of each and every petal. It changes.

This means that sometimes, I remember, when meditating with well-established awareness, you could even hear the sound of the train in the Gampola area. Because we become that aware, we connect to this entire existence. At that point, all these things—the eye, ear, nose, tongue, body—these sense faculties become extremely sensitive. They become very sensitive, and you start to feel them more intensely. That is why mindfulness...you must understand this well. This is a development of mindfulness. "Oh my, what is this? Sometimes I hear things I can't even imagine." What it means is, you hear things from miles away. The secret I'm telling you is that, although we think there are distances in this universe, there really aren't. This entire nature of things, all of it, is happening at once. This whole existence, at once... it means that when the Buddha became the Buddha, we are also becoming the Buddha now. Everything happens at once, in its entirety. It's not something that happened 2,500 years ago, nor is it something that will happen 2,500 years from now. It's the way we have been programmed by the linear education we received in school.

What I mean is, we learned in school that there is a thing called last week. Before that, there is another week. Before that, there is the year 2024. Then 2023. We were taught this linear system, and it was ingrained in us that there is a past, a future, and a present. There is a "becoming Buddha" in the future. No one becomes a Buddha in the future. You will never become a Buddha on a future day. If you become a Buddha, you become a Buddha now. In truth, if you become a Buddha, you only realize that you are already a Buddha now. It is because we are searching for a Buddhahood that it has become so distant. We are searching for a state of being a Buddha. We are investigating Buddhahood. We are trying to become a Buddha.

But one day, day by day, you will realize that you are already a Buddha, or you are in the process of becoming a Buddha. It is never something that will happen at a specific moment in the future. Every thought that it will happen in the future is a delusion. "Not today, but tomorrow," is what is written in sign for the demon Balagiri. They say, every day… that sign board that said "Beer is free tomorrow." For any man, beer is free tomorrow. So that sign is there every day. The sign is there every day saying, "Beer is free tomorrow." So there is no such day. So, you will never have a day tomorrow when you become a Buddha. Because there is no such thing. The entire whole is like a dream we experience. Even though many events happen in a dream, it feels like it all happened in one place.

Now, when we watch a film, we might say "10 years ago" or "10 years later," but even that part showing "10 years later" is seen now. Do you understand what I am saying? In films, they put "five years before" or "ten years after." But when you are watching that film, that concept is also seen now. The scenes depicting "ten years later" are also seen now. So understand this: the entire life, the whole of it, is happening now. As the stage of meditation deepens and deepens, this is what you begin to understand. None of these things are happening in time. It is all like a magical illusion being created now. It's as if it's being created and un-created, created and un-created. We thought, we only thought, that the past was like this and the future will be like this. Even that thought, that feeling, is changing right now. It is a feeling. That's why I said what exists is mindfulness. Mindfulness is change. We think there was a separate thing called an ice cube, and that it changed in the present. When we take it as a "thing," we see a change over a period of time. But when you practice mindfulness, when you develop mindfulness practically, we understand that's not what's happening here. This thing we think of as a "thing" didn't change within a past, future, and present. The change itself is what is present. It is to that change that we apply labels, like "the present." We label it to identify it.

So, as much as possible, look. You will understand well that as you continue to meditate, it's not that thoughts increase. You begin to feel the thoughts well. It's like, as I said, you feel the taste more than usual, you hear sounds more than usual. The feeling of everything increases, becomes more intense. Why? Because the sensitivity increases. Because you become more sensitive. But there are two things here. That feeling and the strength to endure it both increase together. I feel more pain than usual. But the level of being able to endure it also increases beyond the usual. Look, pay attention here. To this point I am making. You will feel thoughts more than usual, you will feel pain more than usual. This means you feel it more than usual. But you will clearly realize that before, you couldn't bear those things. Now, what is it? I am feeling all of it. But I can bear it. These two things start to increase together as you meditate.

This means we think that by meditating, the mind becomes calmer and calmer and calmer, and then it goes out. No. That's what we think. That's in our head. "Ah, it started, it became calm, it became empty." We have a linear mind. "Ah, lust arose, I meditated, lust decreased, decreased, and became zero." It doesn't happen like that. Compared to another day, now… if you meditated like this, and lust decreased, tomorrow the lust might triple. This means that the feelings you experience in the present moment can go up like this. They can increase. But you will start to understand. Even though they increase, you are able to know all of it. Now, now, now, that is what you need to understand. You feel lust more than before. You feel anger more than before. It means you generally feel the way your ego works inside, the way the defilements (kilesa) work inside. That means you start to see these thoughts more than before.

To start seeing them means we conclude that thoughts have increased and mindfulness is lost. No, you are turning it the other way around. It is because mindfulness has increased that you are seeing and feeling the thoughts so much. Otherwise, you can't know it. We are caught up in it all day. So, for those who don't meditate, they don't even know they are having thoughts throughout the day. Because they lack mindfulness to that degree, the thought itself has become their life. For those who don't meditate, it's as if they don't have thoughts. No. Those who don't meditate live their thoughts. They have become their thoughts. They live as a defilement in their life. Now, we have developed a stage of awareness where we can know the defilements. That's it. We wrongly conclude that mindfulness is lost. No, mindfulness has increased. Now you can feel it well, you can see it well. As you begin to see it well, I will make two points.

The first point is, whatever you do, don't do anything about it. You just watch. There is a Sinhala song about the Bodhisattva thinking of the suffering that has arisen as something sweet. As time goes on, this mindfulness will teach you a lesson. You can endure it. No matter how much it increases, it will explode, and explode, and explode, and it will come to burst you open. You will want to die. You will feel like committing suicide. You will feel like dying. That mindfulness will teach you that even at the point of death, you can remain unshaken. That is the lesson mindfulness teaches you. Don't give it your pundit-talk. Don't try to be a pundit to it. The lesson that mindfulness teaches you is that if you can endure even death, after that, there is no such thing as death. You have gone beyond death even before you die. So, before you die, the experience of death is brought to you. After that, there is no such thing as "death" in your life. Now, you think there is a death, something called death will happen.

Understand, what is your age? 20 something? 

Disciple:

20. 

Gnanaweera Thero:

Good. In another two or three years, you will face the experience of death that an 80-year-old has to face. Don't know whether you may go even before that. If, at that death, you can remain with good awareness through the beginning, middle, and end without any agitation, then you will understand that there is no such thing in life. The experience we call "death"… as it gets closer and closer, as the thoughts increase and increase and make you go crazy, all these things happen, and then beyond that, it brings you to the pain of death. What you have to do then is to realize that you can actually endure it. In truth, if you couldn't endure it, you should have died. Now, if a pain that we cannot endure with mindfulness ever came to anyone, they would have died by now. The reason you haven't died is because you still have the strength to endure it.

So, understand this point well. As you meditate, in life, you will have to endure the experience of death. At that time, without doing anything, completely... it is huge. You don't even need to look at death. In truth, there is no death. In that pain, your awareness is so much that you don't even have to look at it in any special way. You don't have to do anything. Just go through it. Because if this mindfulness is to go to Nibbāna, if mindfulness is to go to cessation, you must completely die within mindfulness. To die within mindfulness… the unbearable pain, the letting go. The hardest thing for me to let go. The hardest thing for me to endure. So, you remain aware without doing anything. That is when you finish dying before death comes.

Before death comes, you have endured the pain of death. What we do is, we get up at that moment and leave. We take off the robes. We change the teacher. We go and grasp onto something else. Don't do any of that. Don't do any of those things. Without fear, what I am saying is to bide your time. Just wait and see. What I am saying is to allow yourself to be aware. What happens? Then you will understand. "Wow, what is happening?" Nothing. There is no such death. In truth, there is no death here. In truth, there is no story of things changing and becoming separate. Both of these become one after that. It doesn't matter who came, who went, whether the pain of death came or not. There's no difference between the two. Both are just a conceptual mound created by the mind. It's a conceptual falsehood. Understand that.

Next, I will make the second point. Now, you said that thoughts are coming. As thoughts are coming, see how the mind comes and analyzes it: "It's not like it was before." This peace… you have written it down. "Before, before, what did you write before this?" You… what I mean is, you don't need the paper.

Disciple:

That peaceful quality that was there before is not there. 

Gnanaweera Thero:

That's it. "The peaceful quality is not there." That's fine. Don't watch it as "I don't have peace." Keep this sentence in mind. The next problem is that we attach a false story, a liar, to every single thing that happens. "I don't have peace." "There is no peace." Don't start adding to that.

Like that... many people, when they write their meditation reports, they get it confused. "Oh, I am in so much pain. I don't have the peace I had before." Like that... "Oh dear, look, so many thoughts have come to me." They analyze every experience as an experience happening to a "me." Don't do that. Don't analyze every experience from the perspective of a "me." Why? Because your story has no connection to a "me." Now, the fact that this cold is being felt means that "I" am feeling cold. The experience is that cold is being felt. That's it. If you go to analyze it, "Oh my, I am cold, I can't bear it." What is that? A non-existent "me" has been attached to it. Then, after that, you can endure the crocodile eating you. But you can't endure the little "tsk tsk" sound of a gecko. The pain of a crocodile eating you can be offered to mindfulness, and you can endure it. But the moment you add a "me" to it, "tsk tsk," sound of the gecko no matter what technique you use, it feels like "I've had enough of this," and the "tsk tsk" sound of the gecko itself becomes a big ordeal for the "me" that has been attached. Otherwise, if mindfulness is attached to it, you can endure even a crocodile bite. Right?

So, what has happened to us is that we can endure the crocodile bite. But the moment we apply the personality-view (sakkāya), even a "tsk tsk" sound of the gecko becomes a big problem for us. That "me" is having a very hard time now. So, this is a good analogy to remember. A "tsk tsk" sound of the gecko… if a "me" is attached anywhere, even a "tsk tsk" sound of the gecko becomes a big problem. If a "me" is not attached, you can put even a crocodile bite under mindfulness, and that too becomes just mindfulness, and you can endure it with equanimity. Yes, so remember this well. Do not apply a conceptual analysis to anything. "I am having thoughts like this, I am feeling like this..." That you are feeling like this, that you are having these sensations, all of that is a lie. There is nothing you are feeling here. There is nothing you have understood. All of that is just… what we want is to score points for this "me." In truth, what we want is to make this "me" see Nibbāna. We are in that problem. A "me" needs to see Nibbāna. "I need to understand, I need to realize." "I..." Wherever that is, that is the issue in meditation. That is why every single thing is felt by mindfulness, by that awareness.

Awareness knows that there are thoughts. Awareness knows that there is no calmness. That is something known by awareness. It is not that you know it. If you know it, then show me, where is this "I" who is knowing? Now, at this moment, the one who knew that there are many thoughts, where was that "me" standing and watching that external experience? Now, for it to be an experience, I must have been there. It must be something I experienced. So where is the place to stand and experience the fact that thoughts are many, or whatever it is? Then you will realize there is no such place. There is the knowledge that "thoughts are present," but there is no place to posit a separate "knower" who knows a separate "thought" here. So, there must be good awareness for this. Be very aware. Why? Because otherwise, we mess up. We make wrong analyses with unnecessary interpretations. It's like making a wrong call on a PK movie. We make calls to the wrong places. That is, we attach an unrelated event to that place. So look carefully. Never, for any sensation felt by this mindfulness, add a "me" and create a story like "I felt this," or "I understood this." Don't create a dualistic interpretation. It has no meaning. Because it is not relevant to that moment.

Look now, at this moment. If your mind went out, for the mind to go out, for the knowledge "thoughts are present" to be there, there is no connection to a "me," is there? At this moment, to any other thing... at this moment... what is being heard? Is it "to me"? Look, pay attention to the hearing. That it is heard means that it is heard. It is known by mindfulness. It is not a separate thing, that it is heard by a "me." The hearing is that mindfulness, that knowing. That's all. Now look, did I say "I am hearing"? Where is this other one called "I" who is hearing this story? There is no such thing at this moment. But out of habit, this skewed analysis comes. The analysis is always done in that way, in that way, in that way. That is why, as much as possible, while meditating, your view must come to right view (sammā-diṭṭhi). That is, don't think with a mind burdened by wrong view (micchā-diṭṭhi). Right mindfulness (sammā-sati) must develop along with right view. Wrong view means trying to understand every experience that happens in the present moment by connecting it to a "me." The moment it is connected to a "me," a duality of internal and external is created there. The things "I" experienced... the things experienced. Then, after that, a little pundit is born. "Oh my, I have experienced such bliss." "Oh my, we are people who have endured such thorns."

That is what some people say. "Oh my, we came here today after going through so many thorns." At the time you were going through those thorns, was there a "me" who was going through the thorns? Or was there just the feeling of suffering or happiness? Even those labels are things we apply. So understand, there is no one who has overcome by going through thorns. No one has eaten thorns like that. At the time of that feeling, was there a "me" that was eating thorns? No, there was just a feeling at that moment. That's all. So, when you grasp that, we create people who have made sacrifices, and people who have overcome by eating thorns. We create an external persona. Look, in those interviews you listen to, many of them talk like that. They are handing out the personality-view (sakkāya-diṭṭhi) wholesale. Wholesaling... that… I saw Paramahansa Yogananda... in his life story, his biography... Osho talks about it, the first time a sage has written... Yogananda Paramahansa's. I have read it. Osho beautifully says, "How can one… how can he write a biography about all these things that are known through awareness?" "With what?" .It's a beautiful story that Osho says. Osho asks...Osho says, "Would a sage ever write a biography?" "Would the Buddha write a biography?" "Would Jesus write a biography?" People know that there is no "me," no "my story" here. At this very moment, no one is having any experience. How can I write a biography? Someone else can write one for someone else because they have the personality view (sakkāya-diṭṭhi) . But I meant that a self-authored biography of a sage… for the first time," he says, "he has written one." Why? To write a self-authored biography, how mad do you have to be? How much experience of "I" must you have? "My story," you have to see that. You have to have that. Understand that.

So, understand well. Do not make your meditation experiences into a self-authored biography. Do you understand? Let every experience be known to awareness, as awareness. Don't write a self-authored narrative. The act of writing… when you are purifying the meditation object, many people write a self-authored biography. A self-authored biography... the teacher is mad to be reading it. Instead of writing that self-authored biography, just state the event that happened through awareness at that time. When you go to state what happened, there isn't much to say. When you go to write a self-authored story, that's when "I was faced with this," "Oh, it was so difficult for me," "I went crazy," my tap was leaking, I went mad. That's a self-authored biography. Our problem is that we are all stuck in a self-authored story, a story where "I" am the protagonist. Aren't you looking at the hero? That is the madness. To write a self-authored biography is madness. That is the one that we all write.

That's where the help of a spiritual friend comes in, to check if you are writing such a story. How can you state the experience as an experience without creating a "character" within it? State that knowing as knowing. Then, bit by bit, the way I am explaining it, you will start to incline toward that. You won't get that fertilizer. The way he expresses himself, the way he speaks, will start to incline that way. Then, when you go to write that self-authored biography, you are writing from memory. Because there is nothing to write in the present moment. Understand that every memory, every memory you currently have in your head, is an illusion. It means it is not something that happened. Now, we… in last night's sermon, we said that consciousness is an illusion, right? So I ask, is consciousness an illusion? Then, tell me what you think. Last night, in the sermon, we said consciousness is an illusion. So, is that consciousness an illusion? So, if the concept is an illusion, then the concept that "consciousness is an illusion" is not it. All these are just words used in a Dhamma talk. They are just lies. They are not the truth. Whatever was said... every word that was spoken in this long talk is a concept. So, none of this should be grasped. Because when we say in a Dhamma talk that consciousness (viññāṇa) is an illusion, it's only during the Dhamma talk. Saying consciousness is an illusion is just another lie. So, is consciousness a reality? That's another concept. Now, bit by bit, bit by bit, understand.

So, is awareness an illusion? Saying awareness is an illusion is a concept. Saying awareness is real is a concept. The word "awareness" itself is a concept. Now look, bit by bit, bit by bit, no matter how we analyze it, there is no substance in any analysis. Even saying "there is no substance in any analysis" is another concept. There is no substance in that either. That is why, do not try to understand this truth with concepts, more than is necessary. More than is necessary... what I mean is, look carefully, we analyze everything through concepts. Even saying "everything is an illusion" or "it's an illusion," look, you will realize that in truth, if you have understood anything—that this is a dream, this is an illusion, this is an illusion, this is real, I am real, I am false—all of that is a concept. A concept is an illusion. But is the concept "a concept is an illusion" an illusion? It's an illusion. So look, while being in that state of awareness, you need to have the wisdom for what has been said. So, whatever "my experiences," "the things I have experienced," all of that... even in a subtle way, everything I say I have experienced ultimately ends up being a concept. That is why, no matter how profound "my experiences" are, why don't you go on reading them? Because in relation to that moment, even though it was brought up, they haven't endured that concept within.

That is why, whether you call this a dream or reality... because whatever you try to understand, it has no substance. Because then, to understand, this is what I am saying now. If I said, "Now, if I said to you, with mindfulness, look carefully at the things that are happening," what am I saying then? You are again looking at a concept. That is why, with mindfulness, do not look at anything. If you try to not look at anything, you have again trapped yourself in a concept. What is it? Do not look at anything. If I said, "Be in a state of neither looking nor not-looking," that's another concept. Don't do that either. So then what are you saying? So, if I try to say nothing, then "saying nothing" comes up. So, bit by bit, you will understand this. That is why, with mindfulness, whether you are looking at something or not looking at something… what is there to look at with mindfulness? What is there to be attentive to? Awareness? A concept is there. So, the concept exists. That is why, as you develop mindfulness more and more, after developing mindfulness and developing awareness well, you will understand that there is nothing special to be attentive to.

If someone now says, "Do your work with good mindfulness, do this with mindfulness," understand. That's what you say to a beginner in mindfulness. But for someone who has developed mindfulness to a certain level, you don't say things like that. "Work with mindfulness," "act with mindfulness," "look with mindfulness," "listen with mindfulness," let mindfulness see, let mindfulness hear… What is there for mindfulness to see? What is there for mindfulness to hear? Then you are breaking it into two. There is something called mindfulness. There is something that mindfulness hears, something that it sees, something that it feels. You are creating a subtle concept. You are creating concepts in a subtle way. That's it. It's not about doing these things. This is just a little something for you to listen to while purifying the meditation object. Some people listen and listen and listen. After that, you will understand well. If you feel any kind of change, there is a concept there.

Now look. Take children. Have you seen children? Children see. Now, a child doesn't know "mother," "father." But this child sees a difference, doesn't it? The child shows two different reactions. The child doesn't have concepts. But even a child has the five aggregates of clinging (pañca-upādānakkhandhā) in a very subtle way. They recognize through subtle changes in perception (saññā). These people, by their colors, by their shapes… a child's existence is at a very subtle level. Even though the big, coarse concepts are not there, that quality of differentiating things, of knowing things as different, consciousness… that quality of recognizing things as different… then you understand that that too is an illusion. It means that the child is also in a level of knowing. The child is at the level of mindfulness. But if the child has mindfulness, if it has knowing, if it has the ability to differentiate and recognize, then what is present there is also the illusion of consciousness. That knowing itself is an illusion. It's enough to understand that. Now, don't do anything. Now, I am not saying to think about this with the child example. Just understand it a little.

As awareness increases and increases, as mindfulness becomes very subtle at the end, we are removed from the conceptual story. But in a subtle way, like a child, in our inner being, we reach that level. In a subtle way, there is a quality of differentiating and recognizing another thing. That feeling, that knowing, that recognition is also an illusion. That awareness is also an illusion. It means a child is not an Arhant. A child is not at the level of having seen Nibbāna. A child... is the root of ignorance, the root of delusion. So that too, just let it be heard. You don't have to do anything. I am not saying to do anything. Just let this be heard faintly. Let it be. When awareness increases, you don't have to do anything. Let it be in awareness. Right, is there one more sentence? Now, the time is up because the dāna is at a specific time today. So because of that, I will say one more thing. In these two minutes, at 11:00, could you read that last sentence again? I need to do a little fine-tuning of it. That part where you said you were falling asleep, could you read that part to me?


Meditation Report:

With that state, a strong sleepiness in the eyes, a strong sleepiness . Although there isn't a big problem with the posture of the body, a difficulty in continuing the meditation comes with that sleepiness.


Gnanaweera Thero:

It's good to understand that it's not sleepiness that is coming. It is the disappearance of differentiation. As I said, as time goes on, the concepts are removed and this awareness, this awareness, stays with awareness itself. In all these things, it is through concepts that we understand and know things. When that is gone, the diversity is gone. That means there is no specialty in anything. Sitting here is the same, walking is the same, talking to a friend is the same. There is no division. The concepts are removed. When the concepts are removed, consciousness cannot exist. So what happens? It gets sleepy. That is, when there is no object, consciousness disappears, and out of fear, it starts to hide. Sleepiness comes. A strange kind of laziness comes. So intensely, that laziness, it's not the ordinary laziness that comes when  listening to a sermon. It's… it happens for no reason at all. It starts to happen for no reason. It means… it means the stuff is working. It means that dispassion (virāga) is now arising. The passion is wearing away. As passion wears away, as aversion wears away, as delusion starts to wear away, that means consciousness has no basis now. Now, consciousness has no preference between listening to a Dhamma talk, going to the kitchen, this or that. Staying at home is the same, being in a monastery is the same.

At that point, be careful. Don't try to change your daily routine. Don't try to change it. The time you sit for meditation, the time you walk, the time you take your food… the way you came to be a monk, just continue being a monk. Because at that point, you will say, "Now, what's the difference?" As lust wears away, you don't feel like staying here. You don't feel like doing this. You don't feel like meditating. Now, being a monk and not being one feels the same. Now, you don't feel any specialty in it. That means dispassion (virāga) is arising. That arising of dispassion is seen by the "me" (mamāya) as something bad. Now, as you have said, you don't feel much like meditating. It's hard to stay. As that passion wears away, the "me" cannot stay. Its death is happening. Then it gets up and goes looking for home, looking for old habits. It acts out a crazy drama. That is why, from what I see now, son, the stuff has caught fire. Now you just have to fan the flames. Now, keep fanning it, but don't stop halfway. If you stop, you'll have to start all over again. This happens to many people. The people I've seen, they stoke the fire until it comes, and then they stop fanning it. At that point, the Buddha told us, "Patience is the highest austerity." Patience (khanti paramam tapo titikkhā). There's no flavor in the meditation. Everything has become one. You don't feel any special thing. But you keep doing it, keep doing it, keep doing it. That is where faith (saddhā) comes in. It means this "me" is not there. The "me" has no score points. The "me" has no peace. No nourishment. No happiness. It has nothing. But it keeps doing it.

I don't know, for that faith to come, you must be someone who has come from the cycle of rebirths to see Nibbāna. Because it is a strange kind of faith. It means, with nothing, you still sit at the right time, walk at the right time, do your duties at the right time. You do everything at the right time. Where does that energy come from? Where does that faith come from? I think that comes from Nibbāna itself. It is something one gets from having perfected the perfections (pāramī). Because otherwise, people give up. They throw it away. "Oh, I can't. There's nothing here." How many people have I seen who say, "I feel like I'm descending into a worse state." But if a person continues with the same momentum for a long, long time, then they… so understand that. That is why, understand well, we are all in a testing ground. From the moment we came to see Nibbāna, we are in a testing ground. You and I are in a test. So in this test, we just have to keep discussing our problems and stay in the game. That's all. Stay in the game. The Buddha said, "Patience is the highest austerity." (Khanti paramam tapo titikkhā). That's all. Shut your mouth and be patient. Don't blabber. Because at that time, if you give talks, saying "I've had enough," because then you'll be at home in a month. That means don't give talks, don't criticize it, saying, "Is this a life?" Don't look down on it. From all of that, the "other" is nourished. It can be endured. "This is what I came for." So you keep doing it, keep doing it, keep doing it. It's difficult. We don't have anything to eat, to drink or the girl who was near me but its ok . You can be patient. You can endure it. We are here. There was a venerable monk…he keeps his palm on his chest and soothes himself saying "be patient chest". That's all. Let's go like that. Let's go like that. For us too, one day the moon will rise. We are sure, for us too, one day the moon will rise. For us too, one day it will be alright. Just a little, a little, don't hate this dispassion (virāga). That lust that is wearing away inside you… as that lust wears away, the lust for the whole existence starts to wear away.

That means all these things become very desolate. This place becomes a charnel ground. All these things become a raw charnel ground."Be patient chest, be patient chest" The mantra is working. The mantra is working. The mindfulness has set in. Now, it's a crime if you abandon the path halfway, son. You won't have that life, and you won't have this either. Because even if you go back to that, it won't work again. The person who has felt this, no matter what they do, they will come back again, no matter what they go to experience, they will come back to this emptiness. They will come back to this desolation. This is it. This is where it hit. The dose has set in. The dose has been administered. Now, his life is over. It's over. The shot hit him right. He got hit. Now, wherever he goes in the world, he can't live without the drug. Whatever he tries to do, whatever girl he is with, whatever woman he is with, whatever sex he has, he needs the drug. The one who has taken the drug, no matter what you give them, they will take the drug. Just like that, once mindfulness hits, there is desolation. But whatever else happens, wherever you go, you feel like coming back to this. You feel like doing this again. You can't escape. That mindfulness, it is a strange thing. It is a strange trap. If you want, you don't even have to try. But once you get hit by it, you can't get addicted to anything else in the world. Even if you try to get addicted, you will come back here, you will come back here, in the end, even if you disrobe and leave, you will end up talking Dhamma. You will go somewhere and start meditating again. You will listen to a Dhamma talk somewhere. You will talk about the Dhamma again. Even if you try to live saying, "No, I don't need it," you will feel it inside, silently. You will go to the bar and become silent. You will be drinking and become silent. You can't even imagine it. What a karma it is for him. He can't get addicted to any other damn thing again.

That is, mindfulness is a powerful addiction. If that addiction goes in, if you get hit by that addiction, then you will only stop after going to Nibbāna, even if you have to pay back your debt to your mother. Who in this world can stop you? You can't get addicted to anything else. Again. The addiction in mindfulness, like a person addicted to drugs who only wants drugs, what is that addiction? The one who has taken this drug can't get addicted to anything else. They only need the drug itself. Just like that, if mindfulness hits you, you can't even get addicted to drugs. You need mindfulness itself. To that, to that, to that, going deeper and deeper, you just have to be patient. There's nothing to struggle with now. Now, don't change your timetable. Eat and drink well on time, sleep on time, do your daily activities, and without struggling too much, just wait with patience until the time comes. For us too, until the moon rises, we will wait. Well then, may the blessings of the Triple Gem be with you.

Original Source (Video):

Title:සත්‍යයේ පාඩම උගන්වන්න රිද්මයට ඉඩදෙන්න - Ven Aluthgamgoda Gnanaweera Thero | නිහඬ අරණ

https://youtu.be/EzrxA0iTRaY?si=7sXf4Kc6Rd7D3Img

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